


you

by coldbrewgirl, crazylilbbh



Series: tiny sparks [6]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jongdae’s Birthday Week 2020, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, More angst, Narrative, Out of Order, im not trying to hurt anyone or maybe i am, it’s in the little details, non linear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26541973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldbrewgirl/pseuds/coldbrewgirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazylilbbh/pseuds/crazylilbbh
Summary: always, has been, will be
Relationships: Kim Jongdae | Chen/Kim Minseok | Xiumin
Series: tiny sparks [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839997
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13
Collections: Challenge #7 — Out of Order





	you

“It’s you. Always has been, always will be.”  


Jongdae stood atop the hill once again, the wind ruffling his silver wispy hair lightly. Glancing at the grey stone plaque that bore the name of someone from lifetimes ago, he sat shakily, and swore he heard his withered old joints creak and groan. Even with the soil, damp and soft from the usual late summer rain that had finally arrived the day before, he knew he should have brought a pillow. Or five.  


Jongdae closed his eyes and rasped a shallow breath, and the sweet, earthy smell filled his lungs. He could have sworn he heard the excitement in Minseok’s voice as he loudly declared his love for petrichor while the rain pitter-pattered quietly on their rooftop all those years ago, could have sworn he still heard the fearlessness in Minseok’s laughter as he all but dragged Jongdae out to dance under the downpour with him.  


Then there was the way Minseok tugged nervously at his hair, and the action punched holes through Jongdae’s body, because of the way the former’s eyes darted around, not quite wanting to face the truth, the end of the road. Everything had been so very final, from endless papers Jongdae signed—and every stroke had felt like he was scribbling away Minseok’s life—to the somber way the people in white who had sworn to help them touched their backs, as if they could attempt to offer them a semblance of strength, or maybe of solidarity; it wasn’t as if an _I stand with you_ brought the shine back in Minseok’s eyes. The last good part of him had died back then.  


“I would very much like to see spring with you.”  


Minseok’s voice had cracked, the way it always had right before his tears gave way, but there was a resolved strength in it, in the way he was determined to fight to feel the frosty winter air transition into the freshness of spring, in the way he had always preferred a warm bubble bath because it reminded him of his promise. And somehow, Jongdae marvelled silently at the quiet bravery that had, in more ways than one, presented itself when Minseok raised his hand out of habit to tug at hair that was no longer there and had instead touched his own scalp gingerly, or when he had wordlessly added more pillows to his perfect five because his body had ached after an excruciating session at the hospital.  


On some days the overwhelming hatred Jongdae had for sterile white rooms that reeked of stolen lives threatened to swallow him whole, but Minseok, the angel that he is, had never said a word, never raised a voice against the very thing that had metastasized. Jongdae had only been able to drag his hands through his dishevelled hair, chest tightening painfully, as their borrowed time manifested on Minseok’s sickly face—too big a price to pay for but a fleeting sense of what should have been happiness. In the quiet of his room, he had thrown his pillows, and wiped papers off his table and onto the floor, his mugs following along in broken shards as his demons threatened to consume him but it would never make a difference, it never could have anyway. And somehow, Jongdae’s thoughts unceasingly lingered on the way death shattered the most beautiful soul, and now all that remained of what he used to be lay fifty feet below the ground with nothing but a grey fucking stone—

Minseok had gone before spring kissed winter.  


As Jongdae turned his gaze to the now overcast skies, he could almost imagine Minseok’s beautiful child eyes staring straight into him and the way they always seemed to hold his soul like fragile glass. There was a certain kind of beauty in the way his eyes widened ever so slightly in amazement when he would see a magician pull a bunny out of a hat, in the way they filled up with tears that threatened to drown when a hatchling had fallen from its nest, or in the way they furrowed subtly when he was stuck in the middle of a sudoku puzzle.  


And when Jongdae closed his, he could hear Minseok’s footsteps, its light _tap tap tap_ on the hardwood floor as he hid for a jump scare; the deafening laughter as Jongdae jumped ten feet in the air, the coughing fit and the choking for air that almost immediately followed.  


He could still taste that sweet summer rain that had come late in the spring that day, like it always did. They had perched themselves on a hill then, very much like the one Jongdae stood on now, overlooking their tiny hometown that to little twelve-year-old them was a vast kingdom they had yet to explore, and brought five pillows—the perfect amount, Minseok had sworn—as they watched the purple and pink chase the yellow, and finally, the orange out of the sky.  


And when the purple finally faded into nothingness, Jongdae and Minseok had lain atop their damp pillows, their little faces turned towards each other, as the comforting sounds of crickets filled the silence and the fireflies winked into existence, painting their faces in dancing half-shadows. Minseok had grinned at him then, a beautiful smile on the cherubic face that could almost rival the moon.  


“Chenchen, have you ever wondered what is at the end of the road?”

**Author's Note:**

> now read everything again, but slowly, and find the lines that connect the dots


End file.
